Thursday, September 30, 2004
the shining
hello!
life has been ok.i guess.. hmm..what do i say.. im actually kinda tired..been fasting..
hahah just woke up.. i need to study.. ok bloggie... i guess today will be one of the last few times im gonna write in you.. hmm.. gotta concentrate la..
ok well yeah have to stop blogging.. need to study.. hmm.. ok so dont expect anything till abt the 24th of november?
maybe ill visit once or twice. but other than that.. i wont.. just wantd to say that....
picture taking ws fine today.. damn cool... evrybody wore class t and evrthing.. haha ok well gotta go.. need to cook something for break fast.. see ya! muackz.
love,
me..
Bob Smurf at 9:25 AM
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
hey...
well.
im disappointed..
hmm..how can someone be so insensitive?
or worse.. be so sensitive that he becomes insensitive?
doesnt make sense..
did i do the right thing in telling him these 3 sentences?
get over it. you are mad. dont talk to me.
okfine.. i may have been harsh..
but i cant help it..
he was being selfish..
i thought he'd understand.. but i guess not..
wonder how he will react tmr if i see him..
i dunno la..
whatevr.
ok well..
i love my friends..
tmr there's photo taking..
oh well..
haha
see ya then ok?
Bob Smurf at 10:32 PM
Monday, September 27, 2004
Sordid details of my morning..
hello..hmm..actually that was kinda misleading..
no sordid details..but frankly..its in contrast to that.. im dead bored.. cant u tell?
hmm..she dint talk to me today..which is just as well.. he did.. was quite friendly too..
told my best friend what she said.. i mean after all.. my best friend deserves to know right?
so yeah.. we all reckon we know who has been verbally abusing me.. its not such a difficult thing to guess really.. haha.. hmm..
well..got back history paper 1 today.. haha i passed.. not like a 60++ bt its a 50++...
haha.. in the com lab now.. in school.. free period.. lit teachers cancelled lessons.. yeay..free time..
okie dokies.. gotta do work now.. hehe see ya!
Bob Smurf at 11:09 AM
Sunday, September 26, 2004
hey..
im having a major headache now..
my sis birthday was yesterday..the 25th.. havent bought her anything..supposed to share with my cousin to get her something..
i know she wants the chanel chance perfume.. but well thats a bit pricey..
so yeah..i dunno.. see how la..
but then again..
oh well.. today is the last day of my slacking..
all my emotions shall be put on hold fro this 1 mth ++
shall have to concentrate for the really all important A's..
my cousin over in aussie is recounting her nightmare days last yr..
haha feels so good to have her understand what i mean
like i told her..
cant wait for it to be over..
then im gonna work..
as what im not sure..salesgirl?? teacher?? i dunno..im not sure what im gonna be doing for the rest of my life actually..
i dont wanna be a teacher.. even though i really wanted to..cos of him.. but i had some advice..and my cuZ told me that i shouldnt make decisins based on a guy i like..
i tend to do that..
im sorry but i do..
the most recent... my decision to go to mjc... was becos of my crush for 8 yrs.. he's still there.. but well..i hardly tlk to him nowadays..
ok..gonna go now..wish me luck for the prelim results yeah?
muackzz..
love ya
Bob Smurf at 5:41 PM
letter to you
Dear pple who read my blog..
i am sorry if i offended you. but i think i am entitled to my own thoughts and feelings.. so what if i dont like somebody..what is it to you. feel free to tag ure response to me.. but please note that violence must be tolerated in extreme cases..haha..
in case u havent noticed..this blog is mine. if u are not happy.. get ure own blog.. i can say what i like so deal with it. so yes..i still wont take back my words no matter what.. i have my rights to say what i want. thank you very much. i appreciate ure time..
please feel free to verbally abuse me. but know that whatever u do..i dont have to care.. ta ta.. take care my ..umm friend(?).. and may ure hate drive u mad.
muackz..
ana
Bob Smurf at 9:06 AM
Friday, September 24, 2004
talk..talking is good
hmm..ok..i have to admit..
i had a long talk with him..
(SHAF READ THE GREEN PARTS FOR THINGS TT
CONCERN US 4)
probably sat at the break water for abt 3 hrs..not budging or anything until maybe abt 730..cos he said he wanted to watch s'pore idol..umm yeah..haha
but yeah..abt him and me.. its been ok..i mean we cleared it up..and well.. i told him i want to be his friend that i thought his friendship was special to me..
well he thought that i was too much of a friend to him to hurt in anyway.. so he didnt know what to do.. yeah we talked.. i talked abt stuff...he talked abt stuff.. felt just like old times..i mean we could always talk..
haiz..
well yeah i guess i have to get over him..no matter what.. i told him that.. i told him that i was in the process of getting over him anyway..
and i was messed up..
guess i got some facts wrong.. poor guy.. he cant afford to top up his starhub card.. so no phone..
his home line is also cut..
so yeah did u know everytime he needed to call and talk to me he has to go downstairs and call me using a payphone?
wow..i feel bad already...
BUT!
i have to say something...
he also brought up the issue of HER..
he felt that i had something against her..
i told him yeah.. i dont like her..
i cant connect with her.. we basically have VERY different wave lengths..
i told him that i can never get comfortable with her around.. u know..i mean.. when u want to be civil with someone..but u dont really like someone..
u know u put up this act but u can NEVER be comfortable..well if u get it ..thats how i feel abt her..
and u know what?? he told me.. that she (not that she uis feeling sorry or pitiful for u or whatever..or so he says) feels sorry for me..first bakar then him..
right....
who the hell is she? i didnt like her then..but now she is starting to get on my nerves...
but sadly.. she is his best friend..
oh..and another thing about her is... as he pointed out.. she considers their friendship to be exclusive.. as in.. u know.. since he is her best and only friend..(how sad) he is hers..exclusively..
he has reached a compromise to pacify her..means she doesnt know he had to sacrifice his other frends for her.. he told me that he doesnt want to fight with her anymore so he just decided to just do what she says.. poor guy..
how sad can it be that she drags him along for HER dates .. he told me that last night.. she and her bf were where we were at the breakwater.. and they were quarelling..so he decided to back off and well..walk alone down the beach.. once again... how sad..
why does she do this to him? why does he agree to do this for her?
i personally think its pity.. he pities her cos she has no friends...thats her problem isnt it.. she can find herself so many bfs and such..why not friends? appaling.. someone should ask him this.. or her..for that matter.. besides.. ah nvm..im just his classmate..a good frend almost..but not his best frend..i mean.. i CERTAINLY dont drag him along for my dates..
MOST insulting... i think...
would be the fact that she does hold something against me!
he told me he was gonna do her a favour and tell this for me.. cos she cant tell me herself..
and well.. he said that she is very against me.. because of one of my best frends in school...
yeah..my best friend... who the hell is she to tell me what to do with my best friend???
shaf if u are reading this i bet ud be thinking the same..u know who i am talking abt..
she is angry with me cos she said that i am not helping her at all..in fact she thinks im encouraging my best frend to carry on her lesbian tendencies... she said that i always am there hugging her and kissing her and such..but i explained to him that in tk..everybody does that.. i mean its a normal thing in a girls school...
too bad SHE wasnt in one..or she would have known... what is her problem..cant she just understand that not everybody is as receptive to her as he is??
besides..its not like as though i have never talked my best frend out of it.. but from what i can tell.. she's doing ok..testing the waters.. and well..she does plan to get married to a guy..
so..no big cause for concern right? beseides..she's a smart girl..and she can take care of herself.. besides..like i told him.. there is only so much u can say to someone..the rest of it..is up to her.. right?? am i right to say that??
im really peeved right now abt that biatch..
just to let her know...
she may have him around her little finger.. but.... she wont have me buckling under her stupid comments..
forget it.. i can think for myself thank you very much...
and someone plese educate that stupid egyptian and tell her to start thinking in singaporean terms or go back from whence she came... i am from a girls school and i act this way.. if she cant deal with it.. then just too bad.. cos im not gonna change just cos she says so.. stupid bitch..
i apologise for being so mean.. but these are my thoughts...if any of u out there have anything to say..please tag me..or msg me..or call me.. im up for a talk..
p/s..this was changed..cos she is not..egyptian..shall refuse to acknowledge that.. oh whatever..
Bob Smurf at 2:07 AM
Thursday, September 23, 2004
bLAnk!
words of wisdom that seems to understand what im going through..i love this song..just wanted to share it..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Something isn't right,
I can feel it again, feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming, still I don't know why,
I let you in.
I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (Something's going wrong...)
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable... (So predictable...)
So take your empty words,
Your broken promises.
And all the time you stole,
Cause I am done with this.
I could give it away, give it away,
I'm doing everything I should've.
And now I'm making a change,
I'm living today.
I'm giving back what you gave me,
I don't need anything.
Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why I am I so cold,
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?
I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...
Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love, (So predictable...)
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me
And I know what it is... (So predictable...)
What it is is right now.
"Pedictable" by Good Charlotte
Bob Smurf at 6:20 PM
no title
i feel so yellow..
okay.. helo.. haiz..what does yellow signify..im missing my best frends.... whahahaha... yes i do..
so jealous that kurt gets to meet his best frends every now and then..oh well..
dont scream at me..
i am meeting HIM today..no not God.. as in..u know la..
yeah meeting him at macs at east coast.. why macs also i dunno.. i hope he doesnt bring HER..
but u know after talking to My BRO FonZie.. i realize how sucha ditz i am.. haha
yeah i gave him the whole universe when he asked for space..
yeah i jump to conclusions..
yeah..i am wasted... (over a guy?? man im really done for..)
i dunno..
is he worth my time?
all together now.... NO!
ok well..i hope today goes well..
i hope i can finally forget him..
i hope i dont run out of things to say..
haiz..
oh well..
whatevr la..
see ya
shall update again soon..
if im not too devastated that is.. muacks
Bob Smurf at 4:03 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
i was used
damn..i feel so stupid..ugh!
u know what happened?!
today was the last day fro my prelims.. and well.. u know the person i have been avoiding all this while? yeah well.. he came up to me and talked to me after the paper today... he demanded to know why i was avoiding him.. ok..i told him tall tales and everything..but well him being him..
he managed to see right thru me..so i told him that i was avoiding him so that he could have his space..
he told me i was insecure!!...me insecure?? yeah sure of course i am but he dint have to point that out!
what the hell!
and worse of all..
he made fun of my glasses..
ok fine..kurt said that a lot of people make fun of my glasses..and its no big deal..ok sure..whatever..maybe im just being paranoid..
i dunno...i feel so used..i really do...i mean..SHE wasnt there.. and i think probably the reason he came up to talk to me is that she wasnt..
i cant help it..
she intimidates me..
i bet if she was..he'd probably have left with HER.. and not bothered to talk to me at all..
haiz..
i dunno la..
i feel so used..
stupid idiot..
why does he affect me so?
i wish eh hadnt talked to me..
today would have been so different
oh well..
whatever la..
so the whatever!
haiz..
see ya
Bob Smurf at 7:17 PM
Friday, September 17, 2004
READ MY BOOK!!! im gonna be a bestseller
man..it feeels goood!!.hahah ok ok a levels not over...ok FINE prelims technically not over either..BUT!!!! all my studying subjects are over.. hehez..
haiz..ok la..rant rant rant..sheesh..im bored.. wanna -play game..
eh u know i think im like screwed for my sea history..for one thing my handwriting was like lalala..haha got that? haha yeah screwed..oh well..
anyway..i just wanna say that i like my new glasses..its way cool...my eyes look damn small but its ok..i love the whole nerd look...hehe
sooo me.. haiz..hmm..what else??
hmm... anyway update on love life: none
haha where can i find good looking decent young blood?? hmm..thats NOT gay! thank you very much..oh well actually i dont mind if they are bi... hahah kidding!!!! hahaha..but really they actually make good friends.. SERIOUS!!!
hmm..what else what else??
mogi just put this extrememly fat pic of me..
but then again..im fat like all the time..who am i trying to kid...?? haha
right..
oh did i tell u i wanna write a book? yeah abt things.. uh huh..
cant really tell u much..buy from the bookstores..ill probably start the selling price at....lets see.. $27.90..haha thats actually kinda cheap..trust me..it is.. wait till i become a bestseller..
dont worry my close frends can get personal autographs..hehe
oh yes yes..must tell you gossip..i used to like ashiq..maybe i still do..GASP! oh my goodness! no!! ahahahbut sadly ladies and gentlemen...he does not like me back...BUT! its ok..i have already cut my hair so..i guess its easier for me to get over him...dont get the link?? haha wont say here..will reveal all in my much awaited book..
oh...big big favour..does anybody know a publisher?
please msg me alright?? tag or whatever..
or u can reach me by my email at
roxstar17@hotmail.com
muackz..love ya..update on the publisher aightz?
Bob Smurf at 10:02 PM
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
HArLowz!!
3 days of prelims are over..another 3 more..haha die..oh well..the one thing im most worried abt is my sea history..sheesh...havent studied..
ah ok..shall update more after the exams k?
see ya soon!
Bob Smurf at 4:40 PM
Thursday, September 09, 2004
him who?
haha..siao..heheh
u know what? i just cut my own hair yesterday..
i just thought aww heck..it'll grow back..
so i took a scissors and cut it..hahah damn it..hahah tell me never to become a hairstylist..trust me..i suck at it..hahaha..
oh well..
feel liberated though..like hey hey..way cool..i could do that? haha but yeah so well... i did..
see ya!
Bob Smurf at 12:27 PM
Sunday, September 05, 2004
this pain it sears like fire deep inside my broken heart
to feel the tears that swell as soon as my lips part
to kiss the pain of lost is like stabbing the cushion of pins
unfeeling, unhurting it is bliss like the taste of sin
it hurts! God it hurts.. make it stop..make this cease
i am alone..so all alone..cant u see i need this peace?
i need to live..i need to breathe..i need to forget
why do u..so high and handsome dont give me my respect?
i hate you...i hate myself most of all but u moulded it
you who held my heart in your hands, you crushed it
i need to piece it together..to pick up my pieces
to find myself is a journe. i could if i felt your kisses
im sorry im such a failure..im sorry i had this for you
im sorry for all the things i had to go through
im sorry i lost your friendship when i offered my love
im sorry i uttered the words that lost it.. i love you..i swear from up above.....
Bob Smurf at 2:42 PM
why i am such a fucking failure..
dear u who cares to read..
10 reasons why i am such a failure is this:
1. i let some stupid guy who rejected me get to me
2. i only have the freaks to like me..
3. i got rejected again..a different guy this time whom i considered a great friend
4. thought i could get a piercing to ease my pain but got rejected by the piercer
5. i am in deep pain
6.i cant let my friends know im such a failure
7.i cried in public
8. i am so alone
9. i have to study in singapore
10. i am an idiot who thinks she is better looking than she really is... forget it freak... if u were..they'd like u back...
im sorry ive been so stupid.. im ugly..im stupid..and im an impertinent freak...
i just lost a friendship which i treasured so much..now he doesnt even talk to me..
i hate myself..
i wanna cry..i wanna die..but i love my parents too much..
i think i will only get to stay a stupid spinster all my life... i hate myself...
i hate myself...i HATE myself...i hate this i hate this..i hate everything...
i cant even get a fucking belly piercing!! why not get oit myself..hahah then die from poisoning...haha
morbid..
why not..i pierced my own ear once...
haiz...
i hate him
i hate him..
i hate him...
i hate him..
i hate .....myself!
this sucks!
die..some day i die.. till then ill suffer alone..
Bob Smurf at 2:32 PM