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Sunday, March 05, 2006

feeling absolutely listless

Dear me,
why is it that i am feeling listless? i was quite happy a semester ago. life was much more (somewhat) simpler then. go to school. go for dance. go hang out with friends. do term papers. study for exams. finished.

this semester however, i have been promoted to a position that i was given and not asked if i accepted. i felt like there where other people who were more deserving. i am still not stable in my studies or my existence in NUS to be given such a huge responsibility..ok fine..its a puny role of liason officer but hey.. its still a position of office. damn it. i think i want to quit after ive served my term. i dont think i can cope with this anymore. i think my existence in NUS should and SHALL remain non-existent for the benefit of myself and others who dont wanna get to know me.

the guy i was talking about previously has seen my true colours..i cant stand mats.. not the on the floor types.. the really obnoxious, irritating types. maybe its just me.. im being emotional? yeah maybe my time of month is coming? maybe..maybe.. i think we all have a bit of a homocidal maniac in all of us.. it just shows in varying stages. maybe u like killing people. maybe you like killing animals. ive done it..the animals that is.. but it haunts me.. and i still am repenting. (its not funny really if u think abt it)

Arctic monkeys are playing on the radio. they actually sound pretty good. but if u listen to the same song every morning from eunos to clementi it can get pretty sucky. i want to go for jason mraz. i like to entertain the idea that i want to go.. but i dont think i want to part with my money just to see a man perform. haha perform. i am feeling very listless. im hating everything abt what i am going through right now.. i want to just drop everything and do what i wanna do.. slack at home and just not do anything in particular.


-maybe i could learn to skate? to ice skate? to play ice hockey? i think its cool. and not many people will believe me though. i hate school. i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate school.. i could have gone on longer but i think i dont want to spoil my lappy keys. -*muackz* -loves laptop-.. one of things i cherish.. my laptop. dont get me wrong.. i dont mind going for classes.. i think when i put my mind to doing my work.. its not so bad.. but i hate doing groupwork.. i hate interacting with people.. do i really need to speak? can i just be invisible? i am sooo mundane looking and grossly fat that people fail to notice me. i think i have become invisible. i hate NUS guys who think they are -holier-than-thou-.. please la.. u guys already have a *cannot make it* reputation since a long time ago.. so maybe when i have a son.. i wont send him to NUS.. oh wait.. i forgot.. i wont even be in Singapore. hopefully my offspring wont need to suffer as i have. they will have a childhood and a good education to boot.

i pity my parents.. what kind of life is this that thay still have got to pay so much even after retirement??? what kind of life is this?? i am the investment. i am still only the youngest.. there's nothing i can do to change their situation. any friend of mine knows how much i want to migrate. only a stupid friend will hold me back and wish my plane to crash. still.. stupid or not.. still a friend. im a bitter biatch.


trying to keep going but for how long?

Ana

Bob Smurf at 11:19 PM