Thursday, March 01, 2007
human unhappYness
today in my globalisation tutorial.. my lecturer was talking about how humans can never be happy.. as in.. for eg: even though u have a girlfriend/boyfriend.. u are not happy or satisfied.. and thus u search for something more and turn to myths and superstition.. do u turn to religion too? well anyway.. whilst i was thinking about this whilst he was talking and i realised that i am a person who is not easily satisfied. i have never been satisfied with what i have.. which im sure some of u are too..(whoever my non-existent readers may be).
what do i mean by not being satisfied with what i have? well.. absolutely not meaning this irritating pimple on the top of my head.. which hurts by the way.. noo.. but things that capitalism exploits us with.. materialism, love, culture even religion. commoditising our very own souls. scary isnt it? its hard to explain but.. i dunno.. just felt i need to say those things.
but going back to what i have.. or what i dont have.. one thing is for sure.. i DONT have a boyfriend.. but i do have pple i can have crushes on... person i can like. but am i truly happy? hmm.. that is subjective. what defines happiness anyway? love? being loved? gifts? i was thinking about him.. when my lecturer was talking about having a boyfriend but still being unsatisfied.. i thought about him.. i am insecure.. i mean.. how sure am i that he will wait for me? or more importantly.. I will wait for him? i mean.. its fine now.. cos its only been awhile apart.. but how much longer can i sustain not having the human touch.. the human kiss.. maybe ill set myself a record.. this yr.. keeping at least 1 of my resolutions. hmm.. maybe.. but who knows.. by december i might have to break it.. hmmmmmmm hahahaha right.
but im insecure.. what if he likes someone else.. am i holding him back? why do i feel jealous when we're not really together? ok well.. how can i expect a living breathing guy to stop the pursuit of ultimate happiness with someone more suitable.. especially maybe with someone close to me? (in a sense of course).
i dont know.. im not really seeing anybody else.. but i know ive caught some pple's eyes these past few weeks.. cute guys.. but i think bad boys.. hmm.. but i choose not to respond or do anything.. why? cos subconciously i want things to work with him? am i living a fantasy? am i pretending he is my boyfriend just because some pple actually do have actual relationships and i dont? am i?
i dont know.
Bob Smurf at 7:45 PM